Manny Part II

Checkmate

Theres only one move.

You know what it is.
He's sitting out there. Looming. Waiting for the impossible to happen.

It could happen. Nothing is ever over when its just business. It can be worked out. Parameters, stipulations. Its the perfect storm.

The Red Sox have to go get Manny Ramirez.

Its insanity, its so far out of the realm that no one wants to even say it out loud, but the Yankees just signed the second best bat on the market for the highest dollars out there.

Manny at 20 mil per year for 3 years...

We were ready to do it for 2 if he hadn't opened his big mouth.

Now truth be told its almost a done deal that Manny is going to the Dodgers,its just how much Boras can bluff them into paying. But if Boras is truly the master he realizes that an enormous market just opened back up with the Yankees grabbing Teixiera, and the best part is, Manny has already played in it before.
If John Henry is truly the businessman I think he is, he realizes value when he sees it. He was trumped by Cashman this time. His move of pulling out on Thursday night was tremendous and it almost worked, tipping Boras' hand when it looked like he held all the cards.

But Boras still had one up his sleeve. The deck was loaded and Henry didn't even know it.

Now Henry is backed into a corner with only one possible shot at a win.

The contract could have clauses in it. Incentives for games played, incentives for MVP performances, "good citizen" clauses where if he makes it through a season without a benching for "good cause" triggers another 500,000.

Sure he's a pain in the ass. Sure he pushes 70 year old guys and may be a closet racist (remember "white devils"? Not enough to call him a bigot? Okay, he's a "brown devil". Yeah, pretty bad) but he can hit, he can hit better than anyone i've ever seen.

Make no mistake about it, Mark Teixiera cannot hold Manny Ramirez' hair net when it comes to putting a wooden bat on a cowksin ball. He can hit, yes, he cannot hit like Manny. Manny can hit anyone, at any time, ever. What he does when the heat is on is even more amazing. Need a hit to keep you alive against the best closer in baseball? Manny steps up and lets K Rod know that he, not anyone else, is a bad man.

Make no mistake about it. I cannot personally stand Manny Ramirez. I accepted his stupidty and immaturity and complete lack of class for 6 years because the man could hit. When he shoved Jack McCormick the 70 year old ex-police officer and veteran he lost me. It was a disgusting display from a disgusting person. And when he quit on the team my digust dug in even further, but there are two things that allow me to cheer for him to put on a Red Sox uniform again:

1. Everyone screws up. Sincere regret and an illustration that ways have changed go a long way.
2. Why punish myself because he's a jackass?

The guy acts like a jerk and we are shortchanged even further? Wouldnt the ultimate punishment be to come back, hat in hand, and have to play here again, admitting that the "insulting" and "disrespectful" 20 million per year by the "white devils" was actually his market value?

I can think of no bigger masterstroke to trump the Yankees except for the impending image of Hank Steinbrenner driving to Washington in his Prius asking President Obama to bail out the Yankees.

Don't do it Barry, I see you with that White Sox hat on

Fantasy Monday

Rob Legrow is still a moolie who can't figure out the Internet, so his words follow:

Little bit more serious tone to this one.

I am not proud that Barack Obama won the Presidency. I do not think that there is any pride in electing a socialist who believes in redistribution of wealth and whose closest spiritual advisor is a racist, anti-semite who speaks more vile and venom than Nathan Bedford Forrest could have dreamed of, just because he is black. I would think it was great to elect a president who is Klan member just because he is white.

That said I hope he does a terrific job. I hope the country flourishes and I can come here four years from now and say "I have never been so happy to be wrong."

This is the same feeling that you have when one of your top fantasy players is going against your real life team. That is happening today with Marshawn Lynch who is going against my Patriots today. I think he goes off. I think he runs for 120 and two scores. I think that the Patriots Defense cannot stop big running backs and never could. I still remember Priest Holmes ripping them up in Week 6 of 2002.

But I will never be so happy to be wrong.

On to the picks:


1. Maurice Jones Drew @ Detroit.
That is all.

2 David Garrard.@ Detroit
Ditto.

3. Lynch
Tedy Bruschi, Ellis Hobbs, Deltha O Neal should not be playing professional football right now.


4. Greg Camarillo
I flat love this guy. The poor man's Wes Welker. Who was the poor man's Troy Brown until he got the most powerful mustache this side of Selleck circa '87.

5. Jacksonvilles Defense.
Yes. The Raiders are starting Daunte Culpepper. This is a gift from Jesus Christ himself that I get to laugh at this guy again. It was truly amazing watching Carney Hands for the 10 years previous. I know he can iive up to my image of him.

6. Tim Hightower
2008 for "Ryan Grant"

7.Anyone in the Texans passing game.
Sage Rosenschaub is the prototype Great at fantasy, stinks in real life. Although thats usually reversed, Rosenfells pulls it off. Man throws and throws and throws and then throws some more, usually at least one too many.


Sit down!

1. Donnie Avery
No chance the Rams do anything.

2. Steelers WRs
No Ben. No chance.

3. Detroits Defense
Not that you were considering it.

4. Chris Johnson/ Lendale White
Chicago is going to come out flying.

5. Matt Forte
Jeff Fisher spent oceans of time trying to figure out who could hurt him more: Matt Forte or Rex Grossman


Until next week we will be pondering Obama's progressive taxes and handout society that is coming. Want to go to work, want to suceed in America?

Whadda We Got

Rob Legrow is too busy readying his Romney-Palin '12 signs to learn how to post to a blog, so his words follow:

Brady Quinn
Ready for this?
This is like Aaron Rodgers without the controversy but with an even better offense. Edwards, Winslow, Stallworth(?), Jamal Lewis will make this easy for him. He's sat back, waited, watched and learned and now he has Denver's defense to throw at. Clevland makes a run at the playoffs, a possible 7-1 over the next 8 gamess.


Tim Hightower-
This is like Part II of MBIII and the spin-off of Aaron Rodgers/Brady Quinn.
Get enough stupid Hollywood administration references? No? Go read Matthew Berry, he loves that shit.

Kurt Warner is still nasty.

Adrian Peterson is ready to establish that he is the best back in football.

Matt Schaub and Sage Rosenfels should combine to form one quarterback, like in Seinfeld when George and Jerry team up to become one boyfriend or the "Raybert" episode in Everybody Loves Raymond.
Sage Schuab.
Matt Rosenfels.
Matt Rosenschaub.
Sage Rosenschaub
Incense and Peppermints.
Doest matter, Andre Johnson is still the best all around receiver in football not named Roddy White.


Matt Ryan is for real. The best thing to come out of BC since Fred Smerlas.

Before this season Matt Cassel last played a real live football game in high school. This cannot be overemphasized. The man shows up straight out of Best of Times and is Kurt Russelling his way to wins.
In all seriousness, he hit Gaffney PERFECT. In stride, beautiful pass and the drop was inexcusable. Normally I won't do this: "If he did this and he did that then this would have happened.", but I think we all can agree that that Gaffney throw HAS to be caught. So check his numbers if you give Gaffney that catch:
26/34 250 yards 1TD
Nice and efficient. 8 wasted passes. With the ground game getting healthy, this team could be okay.
Oh wait, they have THE WORST CORNERBACKS IN FOOTBALL.
I will say however that this is the first time I have ever seen someone get better before my eyes since Brady. People wonder what Bellichick saw in this kid and how he found Brady, it was his ability to learn, his intelligence, his read progression, his footwork, his poise and most importantly his coachability. In short, having the knowledge to know that he doesnt know everything.

Your All Star Sleeper Team for Week 9
QB - Quinn
RB- Hightower
RB -Forte
WR- Berrian
WR- Camarillo
TE- Visanthe Shiancoe
DEF- Miami
K - Elam

All right, all right, ALL RIGHT

Rob Legrow's apparently Dazed & Confused, and can't figure out technology, so his words follow mine:

Channel my innner Wooderson here.

No opener, lets get into it!



1. Ernie G's please stand up!

Earnest Graham is going to flat go off this week. A horrendous Kansas City defense, no Warrick Dunn etc.. etc.. sometimes these things need no more explanation.

I like to think of Ernie G's are Ryan G's Good Twin. That Ryan Grant is the evil one. The one that stinks. How can you not love the guy? He played fullback for an entire half three games ago. And Little Mouth Dunn said it was one of the most unselfish things he's ever seen. Although he also said he'd "never do Cat Fancy again" and lets see if he can keep that promise.

Graham pops for 120 and 2 scores. Catches 3 passes for 25 more yards. Flat monster this week.

2. (Insert QB Playing Bears This Week)

Kyle Orton

'Nuff said.

3. Dallas Clark

Pats secondary is horrendous and Manning has to throw to someone. Clark has been his most valuable receiver this year and Rodeny is out. Merriweather can only do so much.

This guy is really dictionary definition boom or bust. I had him last yera for a bit, he sucked I picked up Ben Watson, he was then awesome. Ben Watson for six weeks was okay and then we learned that in some cultures Ben Watson is loosely translated into "Vernon Davis".

4. Roddy White.
AKA the best player ever.

5. Everyone offensive player on Miami, Brandon Marshall, Jay Cutler. Miami Defense.

Cutler is going to throw throw throw. 24 hours we never close.
Pennington is going to dink and dunk.
Brown and Williams will power around.
Offensive showdown.
Thing is, I am going to pick Denver to win, but I don't know why. I think Miami has the better defense, I dont think Denver's ground game is what it once was and I think Miami's offense is perfect to pick this team apart.
Its Miami man.

6. Lamont Jordan
Perfect matchup for him to come off the injury list. The Colts can stop no one. Especially not a bruiser like Jordan. Plus Bellichick knows the only way to minimize the effect of that Clown College he has in the secondary is to keep it on the ground and kill clock. Pound pound pound.


No thank you

1. Anyone on Baltimore or Cleveland.
This is a 13-10 special.

2. Chad Ocho Cinco
a Must Sit now.


3. Ryan Grant.
One year wonder.

4. Calvin Johnson.
Think of it as a character builder Calvin. Teams will love you for it in free agency.

Not-Quite-Halfway Point

Rob Legrow's crusade against technology continues, as his blogging skills approach the same level of the Olson Twins weight-gaining regimen.

Therefore, his words start here:

Patriot Reign II?

The Patriots are at worst a .500 team. If they go .500 over the next 8 games, they are 9-7. I figured they would be around 10-6 when Brady went out but after watching the debacle in SD I was hoping they'd win just 6 games. The offense is getting its rythm back. Are they top echelon? No. But are they a playoff team? Sure. Why not. In 2008? Nothing is certain but death, taxes and Roddy White.

7-0 and counting..
Tennesee has a very good defense and a capable offense. I say capable because Kerry Collins is still Kerry Collins. (Side note: The resurgence of Collins QBs the past couple of years, Pride of Walpole Todd Collins and Kerry Collins; please please tell me Phil is coming out with another album.) Tennesee capitalizes on soft front seven's when they are offense and has the luxury with Courtland Finnegan to focus eight guys on the ground game and dare bad quarterbacks to beat them.
Bob Sanders being out really didnt matter for Tennesee last night, Collins isnt that type of QB. He's a dink and dunk player, Sanders would have been nuetralized in his assignment and having to stay true to coverage lest the Tight Ends or Fullbacks take them apart. Collins is not a shot at the end zone type guy anymore, even though he always had a gun for an arm back in the day. But thats not his role right now, he's all dink and dunks. Collins is accurate and poised (i know, i'm amazed myself) but he simply doesnt have the recievers. You throw a team against the Titans that can stuff run and they will be in some trouble. ,In fact they are very reminciscent of that '99 Giants team Collins took to the Super Bowl with Tiki and Ron Dayne being played by Chris Johnson and Lendale White. However, like that team they will have trouble with a bruising defense such as the Ravens. Funny you should mention that Rob as they did just that this year in Week 5 when they needed a late drive by Collins to beat Baltimore. Look for Jacksonville to take them out at home on November 16th. GB this week also could provide a scare if Rodgers plays and the Pack realizes that Brandon Jackson is their top back.
They take on the iron the next 5 weeks so the dreams of undefeated may last one more week but not much more.

Worst in First -

The AFC West is a legitimate disgrace. I don't know who is coming out of that mess. The first few games it looked like the Bronco's were worldbeaters, then they reverted back to the Brian Griese years. San Diego smokes NE and then looks like Clown University out there. I vote no on The Raiders and the Chiefs are the worst professional football team I have ever seen.



So who are the top teams right now?

Tennesee obviously

Carolina- I know they are paper tigers almost every year but when they put it together they can play. Also, they 6-1 and just now getting their O Line back.

Tampa Bay - Again, its a wierd season. Suffocating defense, solid ground game. Good team concept over there with high quality guys like Dunn and Graham. If they could get rid of Jigsaw Garcia they'd be Kool and The Gang.

Pittsburgh- Almost a completely intact team from last year, possibly the top QB in the league right now even counting that poor performance last week. Holmes suspension hurts though.

Jacksonville -- MJD gets going and they are dangerous.

Houston - Falling in love with this team. Raw defense, nasty offense, Slaton is becoming a presence.

NYGiants - lot of injuries, lot of turmoil, just how they seem to like it. I still don't believe in Eli Manning, he did everything he could to throw that Super Bowl. Ugh God. It still hurts.

NE Pats - This week against Indy will show something. Yes, they are AWFUL at the cornerback position. I would venture to say that the only corner worse than Delta O Neal is Ellis Hobbs. I can't imagine tossing in two guys from the practice squad could look any more inept. The good news is that the D Line looks strong and Merriweather and Sanders could turn into solid safeties if they are allowed to stop having to play third cornerback.
Matt Cassell is getting the offense, he's vibing with his receivers, as evident from the touch on the TD ball he threw to Faulk last week. Look for Terrance Wheatley to get some time at CB and this team to start picking up steam.

Houston - Kind of falling in love with this team. They would be the best team in the AFC North and West and possibly the East. That AFC South is brutal though.

What We Have Learned

Rob Legrow, who is to technology what Ted Stevens is to ethics, still can't figure out how to post to a blog, so his words start here:

Well with a game to go tonight that might tell us a whole lot we'll recap this weekends action.


Donnie Avery is for real. Deep threat extraordinare.

Matt Cassell is coming along. Shocking that right now there are only about 8 or 9 starting QBs I'd take in front of him. That means Matt Cassell is a Top 10 QB. Yes. That is correct. A man who had not started a game since high school 8 weeks ago is now a top ten NFL QB. Look at the league, who would you rather have?
Peyton
Brees
Rivers
Schaub
Cutler
Warner

Don't give me Favre, he isn't a quarterback, he's a football thrower. He is going to cost them big time down there in the Meadowlands and its going to be when it counts.
I would say outside of those 6 its a toss up. Kerry Collins? David Garrard? Jason Campbell? Matt Ryan? I don't see the seperation between them and Cassell and if anything I would say that his play has markedly improved the past two weeks while theres has been stagnant at best. Jeff Garcia? No thanks.
So Cassell keeps improving, keeps getting better. He is starting to get a real feel for Moss and Welker. The ground game if Morris can get back within two weeks has a nice little pop with he and Ben Jarvis Green Ellis Watson Hobbs Bellichick or BeeGee for short hitting those holes.
And in a league where Kerry Collins is helming the best team in the league? Anything is possible.

The biggest Patriots question is: How can they get CB help? Merriweather and Sanders look good back there but O'Neal and Hobbs are brutal. Don't forget that this has been thier Achilles Heel for 4 years now or since the departure of Ty Law. The lack of being able to give safety help on the run and instead having to always roll coverage has allowed for Tight Ends in this league and speed rushers to go OFF, especially with the suddenly slow footed OLB situation and the rapid decline of Tedy Bruschi.

Drew Brees is nasty, Phillip Rivers is equally raw and I guarantee he and Cutler make the AFC West quite fun for a few years with a legitimate rivalry. Bottom line: I dont think these guys like each other.

Houston is back on track.

Starting a team, first Wide Reciever I take is Roddy White. R.A.W.

Then Andre Johnson.

I do not however take Plaxico Burress.

I still think Cleveland would be far better served to start Brady Quinn right now.

Also, the Soldier has run his course. I'd bench him.
Only possible thing that could have saved Vernon Davis from being the black Ryan Leaf just happened.

You can pick up Mewelde Moore now.

Fantasy Waiver Wire

The technologically decrepit Rob Legrow, who is apparently the Hal Gill of computer users, is back with another fantasy column.

His words start here:

Breakouts:

At this point in the season the cream has risen to the top. The injuries have taken their toll. No Tomlinson is not someone you can count on. No McFadden will not be this year's Adrian Peterson. Yes you can get rid of your Bengals.

Tom Brady really is not coming back.

But at this point the one week frauds are exposed, what was that TE's name? Dante Rosario? Wasnt she on Lost? But the real breakouts are coming through.

Normally they are more plentiful in the WR category. RBs typically have one outstanding breaout a year. Two is an extreme rareity. (See Ryan Grant/Earnest Graham) But WRs there are usually no less than five guys throughout the year you can grab. The Coston's, Furrey's, Wes Welker's etc.. You pick up two of these guys and you can deal either of your top two rated WRs for a stud RB or QB.

This is why every year even though theres screaming about the death of the RB-RB fantasy draft system its still the best way to go for 99% of owners. (There are the 1% who are just damn good at predicting and can draft Best Available every round and fill in the blanks later. Lot of balls on that owner. My impression of that guy, who we'll call Grapefruits In His Underwear, at the draft:

Commish: Okay Grapefruits in your underwear, your up with the NO. 3 overall pick
Grapefruits (GF): "Ah I'll take Manning"
All: "Too early for a QB"
Grapefruits leans back and smiles.

One Round Later...

Commish: Okay Grapefruits, you're up..
GF: "TO."
ALL: "No RBs? NO RBS?!?!?!"
GF: "My Teams on the floor"

The crowd goes crazy like its the opening home game for Hickory High. Southern people spew vitriol usually reserved only for dentistry and anti-incest protestors. Liberals use hate speech only reserved for George Bush, Jesus and anyone who thinks 1% different than they do.

Grapefruit's taps his head with his Master Sheet, leans back, smiles and channels his inner Hackman.


Wide Recievers:

Josh Morgan - No. 1 WR in a Martz offense. There's 80% of the job application. Not to mention the kid has speed, hands and is pretty much a physical clone of Torry Holt

Because of Nolan's firing, Martz is high man on the totem pole, regardless of what title Singletary has. Until the Head Coach has a full season under his belt he's not going to have a huge say in the offense and if you'll recall Ol' Number 50 was more of a defensive guy .

Martz will stick with his the Greatest Frauds on Turf offense for the rest of the season and truthfully there is no better system for fantasy QB and WR; for winning games however, well who gives a shit about that?
er


Donnie Avery:

Avery is a player. He's a little undersized but he's all ballplayer. And the man is just flat FAST. I mean world class speed. Guy threw around an unofficial 4.35 at the combine. Ony knock on him is a little bit of Alligator Arms and he's unpolished. But Holt is the superior route runner and the over the middle threat. Avery is a home run hitter who is going to sneak up on some defenses the rest of the year. If Jackson is banged up Linehan will throw and throw a lot. That just means more and more targets. He has the tools, he has the talent. It's Miller Time


RB-

This is the week typically that your breakout RB for this year...well...breaks out.

Lot of forecasts on Ben Jarvis Green Ellis Hobbs Watson Brady and I like him, but I also love Maurice Morris from Seattle. He's healthy and the pass game is wrecked. Someone has to get plays called for them. Please forget Julius Jones; the guy is a paper tiger. He's like the Steelers from 96-2004. (Yay you won a title because you played Seattle. Really super. Never did a thing against Bellichick. Guess the best team just kept losing over and over again huh? Losers.)

Also, get ready for Brady Quinn this week. He'll come in in the third quarter down 20 points and lead them back to either winning or coming really close.

Welcome to the Cincinnati Bengals Season Review

Dallas Blowboys

What the fuck is happening with the Blowboys, er, Cowboys?

All I heard was that Dallas was the Super Bowl favorites, that they would probably cruise through the NFC, and that Tony Romo was so dreamy!

So what happened?

1st, any team coached by a man that looks like this is doomed:



Things Anus Phillips (he is Bum's son, right?) appears to be doing:

A. Contemplating punting with :17 left down 3 points

B. Deciding whether or not the burrito he ate for lunch was a good idea

C. Shitting said burrito into his pants

I mean, this is the man you entrust to use his brainpower to get to the Super Bowl?

Then you have your quarterback. Tony Romo, and no, I wont call him homo - do homos bang this?



Anyways, Romo isn't a terrible QB or anything, but he's not the special talent that others make him out to be. He's not a Brady or Manning, and his level is probably more Brad Johnson (yes, irony for the win). Johnson was good enough to win a Super Bowl, but with a fantastic defense supporting him against Oakland and their Committment to Excrement.

Don't even get me started on Terribly Overexposed. I wont question his physical toughness (the man could have won Super Bowl MVP on a broken leg had the Eagles won it), but the clownshoes act has worn painfully thin. Ditch him, let Patrick Crayton be your #1, and kill the soap opera shit.

Then again, how do you not have soap opera shit when Jerry Jones is around? The man is looking dangerously like Joan Rivers these days and has about as much football sense. 1st, 3rd, and 6th round picks do not equal Roy Fucking Williams (Not to be confused with Roy Fuck I'm Out For The Year Williams). Some say he's outsmarting himself, but a monkey throwing his own shit against the wall outsmarts himself also.

So, I leave you with a message of peace and love:

Flesh For Fantasy

Since Rob LeGrow is a flamer that can't figure out how to log in and post his own shit, I have to do it for him.

Dumbass.

Anyways. his words:

And...we're Back!


Moss, McGahee, Grant are all good to go, great Week 7 performances and now ready to tear it up for the rest of the season.

Uh.

Maybe not.

Football is not really that fickle of a game. It could be a few very good defenses that were underrated at the beginning of the year stuff a great Running Back or maybe the schedule for the first 3 weeks are defenses that can afford double coverage on a normally outstanding Wideout. Those are called Buy Low opportunities.

But other than that, good players, in thieir prime, produce. There are no prolonged slumps or down years. There are tangible reasons as to why guys are good and guys are bad. This is not like baseball where a slump is just "Just not seeing it" or a hot steak is "Its as big as a beachball right now"

Partly because you don't have the luxury of letting the game come to you, lest a 300 pound man knock your face off.

Tony Gonzalez is on the worst professional football team I have ever seen. He is STILL putting up decent numbers. On that team, yeah he's probably about 60% of what he could be. But no one's walking around going "I just don't know whats wrong with Tony G's this year"

However, when people are making excuses and everyone is in the same situation as they were the year before, its probably because the party's over. Ladanian Tomlinson, go sit next to Shaun Alexander. Derek Anderson, stop looking your shoulder, just give Brady Quinn the ball.

Lets hit the spotlights:

RANDY MOSS

Randy Moss is having a bad year because Matt Cassell is not very good. Sure he's shown flashes here and there and has proven, if nothing else, to be a serviceable backup. But do not mistake last nights effort as Cassell having arrived. The situation is not stable. It is Shannahan-esque in causing people to pull their hair out.

Pass on Randy. I dealt him for Andre Johnson three weeks ago when both were floundering and have not looked back. Moss is still Moss, quite possibly the second best reciever ever to play but Johnson was injury free (fingers crossed) and was in the exact same situation he did the year before when he flourished. Moss? 9/7/08. We will never forget.

WILLIS MCGAHEE

Opposing coach:

"THink we should worry about McGahee or Flacco?"

Pass on Willis.

RYAN GRANT

More situational upheaval; hwever, Aaron Rodgers looks legit. Teams shut down the run and Rodgers can beat you by himself. Gutsy and correct move by Green Bay.

Problem is Grant looks slow. Just flat out plodding and with 0 chance of breaking one. (Although Breakaway Speed is in situational upheaval itself after what I watched Lendale White do on Sunday. Comment from the crowd in The Barn as we were watching the replay of Lendale's race to glory : "Romeo Crennel plays for the Titans?")

He fumbles too much and he's not getting goal line touches. His two "breakout" games coming right before he faces Tennesee, Minn, Chicago and New Orleans. Four of the best defenses against the run in the league. Not to mention the fact that he has a case of fumble-itis which assures that he is the 4th overall roster option at best on the goal line.

So what to do with Grant? He's a flier after Week 12, RB3 or a flex against a team that has poor corners and has to give all types of secondary help.
If you have him, sell high now, he's not doing anything for the next four weeks.
If you want him, wait until after the New Orleans game and grab him as a playoff reserve. He is still the starting RB on a team with a solid offense and a very good quarterback. Even then its got to be highway robbery to make sense.

STEPHEN JACKSON
Stephen Jackson on the other hand is for real. Hopefully you hopped on two weeks ago but now its probably too late as at this point he's a little OVERvalued. However, if you can still grab him, especially for my top 3 overrated right now:
1. Romo
2. LdT
3. TO
Then pull the trigger. Remember, the Rams O line is still a disgrace and thats still Jim Haslett over there. The man in good conscience entrusted a team with loads of talent to Aaron Brooks.

Yippie Kay Yay.

I'm Not Even Going To Bother Anymore

Don't ask me to try to figure out the Pats - there's no point.

Or the AFC.

Gambling on the AFC this year is right up there with gambling on spring training games - JUST SAY NO.

And oh yes, we're going to give this one more go-round. Hopefully I can find time to stick with it.

Most Dominating Championship Performance of All-Time

Judgment Day Review

Yeah, it's wrestling, fuck off.

Just as rigged as the Tim Donaghy Error anyways.

The review is in the style of those down on the excellent Wrestling Observer site by Dave Meltzer.

Thumbs mostly up

Best Match: Jericho vs HBK
Worst Match: Cena vs JBL

Cena vs JBL: Cena's more or less the hometown boy, but man, not even he can salvage JBL these days. Seemed like the match could be summed up thusly: stomp, kick, rest hold, rest hold, kick, kick, elbow, elbow, elbow, rest hold, FU and done. Total crap and JBL is really an anchor at this point. His promos are pretty good but he couldn't outwrestle Khali. (OK, that's a lie).

Kane & CM Punk vs John Morrison & The Miz: With Kane having the ECW title and CM Punk having the MITB shot, you knew M&M were going to retain, but at least it was a good match. By the way, even though it's mostly camera tricks, Morrison's entrance is still perfect, especially for a heel.

Jericho vs HBK: Shawn Michaels is one of the most professional wrestlers in the business. Great moves, great storytelling, and he had a pretty good dance partner in Jericho. Shame it was a non-title match, why was this the case? The ending was smooth and the post-match handshake was a nice touch.

Mickie James vs Beth Phoenix vs Melina: All three are decent wrestlers, but Beth Phoenix is a cut above any other woman in the company. She executes well, and holy shit, look at the strength she showed with the double backbreaker. Honestly thought that Melina was going to just lay down for Mickie to screw Beth, but that DDT was HARD.

Undertaker vs Edge: Another classic in this classic series, but as soon as the match was over you knew something was up. This thing has to end with Vickie Guerrero getting locked in the gogoplata, right?

Jeff Hardy vs MVP: This was a great match before anything happened, just by virtue of not being Big Show vs Mark Henry. What's up with Hardy getting pummeled in every match only to have it end with a quick Whisper In The Wind? Decent match nonetheless.

HHH vs Randy Orton: Match dragged in spots, but it wasn't terrible or anything. Didn't seem like the cage itself was incorporated enough, and was surprised by the lack of color, but a pretty good end to a decent PPV.

Overall grade: B

3rd Biggest Win Of His Life

Wait, it's Justin Morneau vs JBL at Judgment Day?

Has anyone ever seen John Cena & Justin Morneau in the same place at the same time?





Just so freaky...

Sign Me, Or I'll Sue You

Sign me, or I’ll sue you, Sign me.
Sign me, or I’ll sue you, Sign me.

Well, I’m the home run king,
I never took a thing.
My career ain’t over, I’m still the best,
I’ve got the fearsomest swing.
Sign me, or I’ll sue you,
Sign me, or I’ll sue you, well…

Why di’n’t I sign in April?
Why ain’t I signed in May?
The only reason is owners are saying,
“Bonds, go away!”

I told the grand jury that I’m full pure drug free.
But owners have launched some wild conspiracy.
Sign me, or I’ll sue you,
Sign me, or I’ll sue you,
I wanna play ball.

Sign me, or I’ll sue you, Sign me.
Sign me, or I’ll sue you, Sign me.

Now Mike Piazza’s not hot,
And Sammy Sosa got caught,
And Roger Clemens, well we all know
What every teenaged girl’s got.
Sign me, or I’ll sue you,
Sign me, or I’ll sue you.
I wanna play ball.

Why di’n’t I sign in April?
Why ain’t I signed in May?
The only reason is owners are saying,
“Bonds, go away!”

Sign me, or I’ll sue you,
Sign me, or I’ll sue you,
Sign me, or I’ll sue you.
I wanna play ball.

For Whom The Lobel Tolls

For the past umpteen years, Patriots 5th Quarter has been as anticipated as the games themselves. I mean, who else didn't want to see how hammered the legendary Bob Lobel would be? I swear the man swilled vodka like it was Poland Springs while watching the games, and you got Unfiltered Bob when the cameras started rolling at the end of the game.

Of course, I'd take a hammered Bob Lobel over most any sports anchor alive.

This makes the decision by WBZ TV to release Lobel that much more incomprehensible. For generations of Boston sports fans, he, along with Mike Lynch at WCVB, was one of the true 11 pm news heavyweights in town, and he did it in the "toy department".

MFTM Contributor Bobby told me a story about how one of his first sports memories was of Lobel going bananas over the 1980 USA hockey team beating the Soviets, and how he became a sports fan that very day. I'm sure many of us share the same type of story, and to see him booted out because he makes a little more money than the almighty budget allows is a shame.

There are certain civic institutions that should be allowed to go out on their own terms. Bob Lobel was one, and WBZ has lost at least one viewer because of it.

Boycott WBZ News - they believe in dollars above sense.

You can't make this stuff up

Actual random note from the Houston-St. Louis recap:

"Astros 2B Kaz Matsui, who is recovering from surgery to repair an anal fissure"

Was he teammates with Kaz Tadano at one point?

Getting Hit for the Cycle

The Mets pitchers were on target today, and Chase Utley was the target. Try to imagine this item from the box score even being possible without an ejection:

HBP: Church (by Moyer), Utley (by Perez), Utley (by Perez), Utley (by Schoeneweis).

The Mets pitching staff thought it was so much fun that they decided to give first baseman Carlos Delgado a turn. With Utley on first, Ryan Howard hits a "double play" grounder to Delgado. But Delgado's throw to second to force Utley never arrived. Instead, it plunked Chase in the back.

I would have believed it too

Thanks to Awful Announcing for uncovering this gem.

I don't care that it's not a sport...WOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yeah, I know wrestling isn't a real sport, get over it.

One of the true legends retired the other day, and I feel like I have to say something.

Ric Flair may not have been the biggest, strongest, or most agile guy around. but he was entertaining as fuck.

If you can find me a guy who sold his opponents moves any better, displayed the proper emotions better, or took over the persona of his "character" any better, blow me.

The end of his last match, against Shawn Michaels (one of his best friends in the business) was classic. Flair getting up from the mat, Michaels mouthing "I'm sorry, I love you" before the last superkick, that was executed so perfectly, and the emotion seemed so real, it was amazing.

More props to Flair for going out like a true professional. The storyline dictated that he lose and be "forced" to retire, and that's how he went down. He lost his last match but went out a true champion.

We'll miss you, Naitch.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

They Needed To Include Whiskey, Not Wiscy

I love the NCAA hockey tournament - unlike March Madness, local teams always do well, and we have a rooting interest most of the time.

So why do I feel like I had a sausage party in my ass yesterday?

Wisconsin, that's why.

The 15-16-7 Wisconsin Badgers were an at-large selection. Yes, under .500 and an AT-LARGE SELECTION.

The committee uses the something very close to the PairWise Rankings to select the teams, unlike the basketball tournament, where the committee subjectively selects teams. If you want to bore yourself, here's an explanation of the clusterfucked method.

Why on God's green Earth you'd use a method that selects an under-.500 team is beyond me, and why isn't there a rule restricting teams to .500 or better for at-large consideration, like in other sports?

I haven't even gotten to the most horrific detail of this rant - THEY GOT A #3 SEED (OUT OF 4) AND GET TO PLAY THE 1ST TWO ROUNDS ON THEIR HOME FUCKING ICE.

What kind of bullshit is this? A below-.500 team isn't the lowest seeded team, AND gets to play at home? College hockey is a non-factor in many places around the country, and bush moves such as this contribute to that. Start seeding the teams fairly or expand the goddamn thing to almost all of Division 1, put 64 teams in it, and have a shitshow.

It’s time for the annual MFTM Seed Review, where I bitch about (and occasionally praise) the seeds handed out for the NCAA Tournament. Don’t like what I have to say? Bitch about it in the comments.

East Region

#1 North Carolina – Clearly the #1 overall seed, and deservingly so. Only arguments likely to come from some popped-collar douchebags in Durham.

#2 Tennessee – They were in play for a #1 seed before their SEC tournament loss to Arkansas, and now they’re the worst of the #2s? The #2 is fine, but they surely should rate above Duke and maybe Georgetown, no?

#3 Louisville – Looks like the Cardinals finishing four full games ahead of Pitt in the Big East justifies a higher seed than the Panthers, even with Pitt winning the BE tournament. 1^st impression was that this is a bit high but it’s not terrible.

#4 Washington State – Bit of a soft schedule for a #4 seed, but I guess that’s what that Pac-10 affiliation does for you. Nothing much more to say about a blah team and a blah seed.

#5 Notre Dame – This is fine by me, since anything Notre Dame related can go fuck itself, and they’ll hopefully fall victim to the 5-12 Curse.

#6 Oklahoma – So a team can parlay a shitty OOC schedule and a mediocre Big 12 record into a #6 seed? And a team like our next subject is stuck at #7? The Oregon replay debacle was almost 2 years ago, guys. Let’s stop giving the Sooners these little handjobs to make up for it.

#7 Butler – Let’s see, 3 losses to teams a combined 70-26, including the 2^nd and 3^rd place Horizon teams at their gyms, and the Missouri Valley champ. A good OOC schedule, and a top 10 ranking, and that warrants a 7 seed? They could have been as high as a #4, but a #5 would have been more appropriate. Does anyone really think that Notre Dame or Oklahoma, for two examples, are better than Butler? No coincidence that Butler and Bullshit start the same way. Classic case of the team name trumping all.

#8 Indiana – Ordinarily, you’d bitch about this being low, but with Kelvin “Can You Hear Me Now” Sampson’s resignation, this program went in the shitter, going 2-3 since Dan Dakich took over, including losses to powerhouses Penn State and Minnesota. Still could have gotten that 6^th seed Oklahoma got, but Indiana’s a no-hoper regardless.

#9 Arkansas – Take the general formula we applied to Oklahoma, and it’s basically the same here, except Arkansas has an appropriate seed for their resume. I mean seriously, what’s the difference between Oklahoma and Arkansas, the Oklahoma win over the Razorbacks notwithstanding?

#10 South Alabama – Great job by the committee here, not only getting USA into the field but also not screwing them with a shitty 12 seed or something. Only negative is the tendency to pair mid-majors in these games, almost like the sentiment is “yeah, you can get into the Dance, but you’re going to dance with another little brother”. Bah.

#11 Saint Joseph’s – Why is this team in here? They didn’t have a particularly great OOC run, they lost three straight home games at one point, and they seemingly rode one win into the Dance. At least we get to see who would win a matchup of overrateds with Oklahoma.

#12 George Mason – A #12 is fair, though they should have that #11 that Saint Joseph’s got somehow. Neither Notre Dame not Washington State is happy to see the Patriots here.

#13 Winthrop – Looks like they got a #13 based on past accomplishments, and maybe beating Miami. Not a recipe for good seeding. I’d rather have seen Cornell here.

#14 Boise State – Probably should have been a #13, though it couldn’t be in this region, as BSU already played WSU this season, but they could have fit them in somewhere else, right?

#15 American – Why they got a #15 over Portland State is beyond me. I guess beating Maryland went a long way, but Portland State was just stronger overall.

#16a Mount St. Mary’s – Exhibit A that the committee, and the NCAA in general, are comprised of fucking pussies. The two worst teams in the field are Mississippi Valley State and Coppin State, period. Why are they not playing against each other in this game? The fear of racism charges over having two schools from historically black leagues playing each other in the play-in game. Fuck you, NCAA. The two worst teams should play, period, regardless of they’re white, black, Hispanic, plaid, who gives a fuck? You pander to the Jesse Fuckheads and the Al Cockholes of the world when you pull shit like this. Grow a sack and do the right thing.

#16b Coppin State – Clearly the worst team in the field, and the obvious choice for this game.

Midwest Region

#1 Kansas – Three losses by 12 total points + good OOC schedule + avenging two of three losses = #1 seed. I mean, is there really an argument?

#2 Georgetown – Wisconsin probably deserved this spot, and while most think that they should have replaced Duke, it was close and Duke did crush the Badgers. Georgetown probably should have been the three here.

#3 Wisconsin – See Georgetown. Wisconsin won the regular season title AND took care of business in the Big Ten tournament. Their reward is a #3 seed behind four other teams that didn’t get it done? Sure, I can understand Texas and Tennessee, and perhaps Duke, but Georgetown stole that seed.

#4 Venderbilt – I always thought that teams that built big records at home while flailing about on the road weren’t thought of as highly. Guess not, for the Commodores posted a 19-0 record at Memorial Gym and a 7-7 mark on the road, and probably got a little SEC boost up to here. They probably stole the spot from…

#5 Clemson – Clemson should be that #4. They played well OOC against a good schedule, and took the best team to OT twice and to the brink in the ACC title game. What has Vanderbilt done that Clemson has not? Maybe it’s karma for Cunt Bowden’s decision to revoke Ray Ray McElrathbey’s scholarship, but that’s another story for another time.

#6 Southern California – I suppose playing three of the four #1 seeds tough counts for something, but the Trojans were 0-4 in those games, and they had a horrific loss (Mercer) and didn’t play a particularly strong OOC schedule. A #7 or #8 would have been more appropriate.

#7 Gonzaga – The Bulldogs played a tough OOC schedule, had some real quality wins, was never blown out, and seems to be punished for the upset loss to San Diego with a #7 seed. They’re better than that, and should be right squarely where USC is, no worse than a #6 seed.

#8 UNLV – The Runnin’ Rebs played a light OOC schedule and didn’t have a particularly deep conference this year, and they spring up as a #8? They definitely fit the profile as a #10 or a #11. By the way, anyone that argues that a team should be a #8 instead of a #9 or vice-versa is a shit-throwing idiot.

#9 Kent State – 28-6 is impressive, but playing a crap OOC schedule, getting hammered in your “step-up” game (29 point loss to UNC), and a middling conference do not make a #9 seed. They also should be looking at a #11 or so.

#10 Davidson – I’m torn here. On one hand, the Wildcats destroyed the SoCon, and played a tough OOC schedule and never got blown out. On the other hand, they never scored that signature win. I’d still rather have them above UNLV or Kent State though, and probably most of the #8 and #9 seeds. In other seasons, the #10 would probably be appropriate, Not this time.

#11 Kansas State – Losses to Nebraska, Texas Tech, and Missouri in the Big 12 seem to have hurt the Wildcats more than anything, as every OOC loss they incurred were to tournament teams, and they claimed the scalp of in-state rival and #1 seed Kansas. Move the ‘Cats up.

#12 Villanova – As I posted yesterday, “Did we need Villanova in the tournament that badly? Outside of Villanova students, alums, faculty, and some rich snobby cunts on the Main Line, who really wants to see them there?” Their OOC schedule sucked and they were mediocre in the Too-Big East. Why is Arizona State slumming in the NIT when these clowns are in?

#13 Siena – Beating Stanford must have gone a long, long way, as the Saints didn’t do much else of note and was good, but not great in a crap conference. Boise State should be sitting pretty here right now.

#14 Cal-State Fullerton – Nondescript OOC schedule and middling conference? The mark of a #14 seed.

#15 Maryland-Baltimore County – No real argument here. Probably cannon fodder.

#16 Portland State – They did enough, in my eyes, to warrant the #15 seed that American received.

South Region

#1 Memphis – Obvious #1 seed. The “oh, CUSA isn’t that good” whiners can shut their lips right now. Memphis met every challenge this season, save one, and losing to Tennessee is hardly a terrible thing. They may not get out of the region, but they earned the #1.

#2 Texas – No real argument about the #2 here, and although I personally think they’re better than Memphis and would beat them, their overall profile doesn’t match up to Memphis. A fair seed.

#3 Stanford – A good team that could have been a #2 some years, but hit a bit of a glass ceiling, and is probably the 2^nd #3 seed in the pecking order behind Wisconsin. Still a good seed.

#4 Pittsburgh – They had some shit losses, but also some big wins, and winning the Big East tournament counts for something, right? The shit losses relegate them to a fair #4 seed.

#5 Michigan State – Sometimes you cringe when you see a team that lost a 43-36 abortion to to Iowa as a #5 seed, but they played really well at times and probably could justify this seeding.

#6 Marquette – A #6 here seems a bit high for my taste. Sure, they bat Wisconsin, but they otherwise didn’t distinguish themselves and were a middle-of-the-road Big East team. Probably closes to a #7 or #8.

#7 Miami – This is bullshit. Apparently the Canes read “Scheduling SEC Football OOC Games For Dummies” and applied it to their basketball team, and then went 8-8 in the ACC, and not only get in, but get a #7? Complete fucking bullshit. Seth Greenberg must have had a stroke when he saw Miami in and his Hokies out.

#8 Mississippi State – One of the least impressive 12-4 SEC campaigns ever. I’d take most of the #10 seeds over the Bulldogs, so a #10 would have been more appropriate.

#9 Oregon – Another team that should be preparing for an NIT appearance. Oregon went 18-13 overall, 9-9 in the Pac-10, and that somehow almost rates a top half seed? I mean, they seems like Georgia with a little bit better resume, and that justifies a #9 seed?

#10 St. Mary’s – The Gaels are worse than Oregon? Hello? I’d have had them around a #8 or so – guess the WCC doesn’t have the juice one would think it has.

#11 Kentucky – Horrific OOC season balanced by a strong SEC season gets the ‘Cats the #11 seed. It’s hard to think of a team that lost to Gardner-Webb, and big, as even a #11 seed, but then again it’s hard to think of a team that beat Tennessee as a #11 either.

#12 Temple – I really want to say they deserve better , but the #12 is fair. I do feel bad for the extra floor mopper that was laid off once John Chaney retired.

#13 Oral Roberts – I don’t get how Oral Roberts could suck out a #13 seed here. The committee blew it, seeing Boise State or Cornell could really make a claim to the seed that the Eagles slurped.

#14 Cornell – Losing to Colgate and Bucknell weren’t shining moments, but they deserved the #13 seeds that Oral Roberts or Siena received.

#15 Austin Peay – Fair seed, nothing to distinguish them here.

#16 Texas-Arlington – When you go 7-9 in a shitty conference, escaping the abominable play-in game is a feat, but the Mavericks did play well enough out of the conference to earn a plain ol’ #16 seed.

West Region

#1 UCLA – Duh. Do we really need to explain it?

#2 Duke – Couple of shitty ACC losses, but a #2 is probably fair. Wisconsin should have a #2, but probably not at Duke’s expense, especially after they hammered the Badgers.

#3 Xavier – They really could have been a #4, and probably should have been, but they did have a better-than-expected OOC showing and they only lost one game to a non-factor (Miami of Ohio)

#4 Connecticut – 13-5 in the Big East, 2 OOC losses to strong teams, and Xavier is seeded higher? UConn should have that #3, no question.

#5 Drake – A weak OOC schedule didn’t really showcase what this team could do, and the resulting #5 seed is about right. A big win over a upper-tier power conference team probably could have gained them a #4.

#6 Purdue – They really rode a strong Big Ten showing to the #6 seed, as their OOC had a couple of crap losses (Wofford, Iowa State). A #6 is probably fair, though.

#7 West Virginia – Played a decent OOC schedule and had one loss to a non-tourney team. Could have had a #6 or so but a #7 isn’t terrible.

#8 BYU – Decently strong schedule, some puzzling losses, and a good Mountain West showing? Yeah, sounds like a #8 seed.

#9 Texas A&M – If A&M had a better Big 12 record, they could have been a #6 or so, but that said, the #9 is about where they should be.

#10 Arizona – Playing one of the toughest schedules is great, but if you’re not winning those games, what does it matter? 19-14 overall, 8-10 in the Pac-10, and this is to be celebrated? I mean, maybe they should have gotten in, but they should have had Villanova’s #12 seed at best.

#11 Baylor – The loss to Colorado really could have put them out, and they probably should be a #12 seed or so, but that’s not a terrible seeding.

#12 Western Kentucky – Solid team, decent OOC, and probably could have climbed to a #10 or #11. Seems like the committee wants to pair upstart mid-majors against each other to prove some lame point. I count 4 such games alone in this tournament. If a team isn’t good enough, they’ll lose on their own without having the committee pair them together to kill them off quicker.

#13 San Diego – Is is just me, or could you more or less flip the #13 and #14 seeds and have gotten better seedings? I’d have taken Boise State, Cornell, and maybe, maybe Georgia here.

#14 Georgia – I’ve always wondered what would happen if a shitty team from a power conference won their conference tournament. Would the committee seed them fairly, or would they throw them a bone since they were a nominal “big boy”? I think the committee did the right thing here – I’d rate them above pretty much any of the #15s or #16s, but they’re really no better than the #14 they got. You have to give the Bulldogs a ton of credit for winning three games in two days when every game was a win-or-the-season-is-over finality check. Just remarkable.

#15 Belmont – Their profile suggests a #14 seed, but there’s a logjam there already, and the Bruins feel the squeeze.

#16 Mississippi Valley State – I’m glad they’re last on the list, so I can reiterate what a bunch of scumbag pussies the committee can be. MVSU is clearly inferior to Mount St. Mary’s, but the Mountaineers play tonight because the committee is scared of the backlash they think would occur if the two teams from Historically Black Leagues (HBLs) were paired together in the play-in game. The play-in game is a fucking piece of shit (we’ve already covered this), but if it’s there, you put the two worst teams in it, period. You want affirmative action, go apply for a job. Keep it out of fucking sports. In fact, keep it out of life, period. You should be rated on merit ONLY. If the best man for a job is a black guy, hire the black guy. If the best is a white guy, hire a white guy. How hard is this concept? Slavery is the most single heinous piece of history this country has ever seen. It also ended 143 years ago, so why do some feel that we need to continue to repay the debt to society? Fuck racism in all forms.

Play-in? Someone's play-ing with themselves too much if they think it's a good idea.

The NCAA Tournament play-in game is bullshit.

The NCAA would prefer we call it an "Opening Round" game. Eat shit, it's a play-in no matter how you try to pass it off.

Why do we need 34 at-large teams? We can't survive with 33? A team that earned it's way in via an automatic bid has to play a shitty game on a shitty Tuesday in shitty Dayton (note: I don't know if Dayton is shitty, it's probably not in reality but it is when they stick the shitty game there) so that a mediocre team from a "power" conference can get in?

Did we need Villanova in the tournament that badly? Outside of Villanova students, alums, faculty, and some rich snobby cunts on the Main Line, who really wants to see them there?

Let Coppin State and Mount St. Mary's take their nationally televised ass-rapings and be done with it. Do you think Coppin State's Tywain McKee will be telling his grandkids about the time they beat Mount St. Mary's in what amounts to a fake tournament game, or North Carolina and Tyler Hansborough rolling their asses? Opposing teams at the 1992 Olympics were excited to get crushed by the Dream Team (too bad the next few USA teams felt like that would continue) and had stories they could tell forever.

Ditch the play-in game.

The annual seed review is coming

I do a review every year of every NCAA Tournament seed - whether it's too high, too low, or just right, kind of how that slut Goldilocks would do it.

Coming sometime today or tomorrow.

I'm back

If you recall, I had a somewhat successful Musings From The Meathead blog on Xanga, but tried a new venture, New England Sports HQ, and that was a fucking abortion.

Well, I'm back, and we're going to rock.